I will be posting an update within the next week, going over my last few weeks of post-op life. Right now, though, I wanted to share a blog I wrote for a challenge. I have signed up for a Biggest Loser's Challenge on SparkPeople.com, my first one ever, and each week there are different challenges. I spent a good amount of time thinking about what to write, and writing it, and figured what better place to share this than my blog?
"This week, practice letting go of negative thinking by
reflecting on a recent setback or mental barrier that you broke through,
determine what you learned from it, and then write a blog about it."
I thought about this off and on all week, trying to come up
with a decent subject to write a blog about. When I think of recent setbacks, I
could say getting over the fear of having my surgery, or getting off my behind
and getting active when it was easier to be lazy. The things that continue to
stick in my mind, however, are mainly the events of the last year, but even the
several years prior to that that led me to the decision of having WLS.
Over the years, I've known I needed to get my body under my
control. When I was younger, I may not have known that specifically, but I knew
I was heavier than everyone else (or so it seemed), and I didn't want to be. I
dieted, tried pills, and points. After WW one year, I lost 30lbs in about a
month and a half... after, I don't know what happened. I don't know why I didn't stick with it, or
why my mind didn't "click" and say- keep going! A few years ago,
after giving it what I thought was a "good go" at eating right and
trying to exercise, I lost nothing. I felt completely defeated, and fell right
back into my old habits, like I always had. Looking back now, I think I just
wasn't ready. Maybe I was lazy, maybe I was not educated enough on being
healthy. I do know that I clearly lacked the drive to REALLY make the necessary
changes, and likely even the true desire.
My decision to have weight loss surgery was not one that
happened over night. In fact, it took over 3 years, lots of research, many
discussions, and even more research. My struggle with my weight has gone on
much longer, though. It took me many failed diets, frustration, tears, and
acceptance that if I don’t do something to change that I will have many
unwanted problems in the future.
It wasn't until this time last year (actually these next
couple of days are exactly a year!) that I finally made the decision that
changed my life. When I finally set my mind to it, and put the plan into
motion, my outlook changed. I was ready. I was ready to learn, ready to take in
everything I could, and ready to CHANGE. I believe I've done just that. I
overcame whatever many reasons were holding me back... fear, the idea that I
wasn't strong enough. the idea that my hard work wouldn't pay off, and any
other nagging voices in my head telling me I "can't". I CAN, I DID, I
AM, and I WILL.
I've learned that I am stronger than I sometimes give myself
credit for, and that hard work does pay off. I've learned the unknown isn't
always something to fear, sometimes it's exciting, and refreshing. I've learned
not to give up for any reason, if this is what I really want, I will find a
way. I've learned all the set backs, all the times I've failed, all the
feelings of defeat, all the tears, all the frustration... it all lead me to
where I am today. And today I am excited for my more healthy and active future.
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