Dealing with Setbacks

I will be posting an update within the next week, going over my last few weeks of post-op life. Right now, though, I wanted to share a blog I wrote for a challenge. I have signed up for a Biggest Loser's Challenge on SparkPeople.com, my first one ever, and each week there are different challenges. I spent a good amount of time thinking about what to write, and writing it, and figured what better place to share this than my blog?

"This week, practice letting go of negative thinking by reflecting on a recent setback or mental barrier that you broke through, determine what you learned from it, and then write a blog about it."

I thought about this off and on all week, trying to come up with a decent subject to write a blog about. When I think of recent setbacks, I could say getting over the fear of having my surgery, or getting off my behind and getting active when it was easier to be lazy. The things that continue to stick in my mind, however, are mainly the events of the last year, but even the several years prior to that that led me to the decision of having WLS.

Over the years, I've known I needed to get my body under my control. When I was younger, I may not have known that specifically, but I knew I was heavier than everyone else (or so it seemed), and I didn't want to be. I dieted, tried pills, and points. After WW one year, I lost 30lbs in about a month and a half... after, I don't know what happened.  I don't know why I didn't stick with it, or why my mind didn't "click" and say- keep going! A few years ago, after giving it what I thought was a "good go" at eating right and trying to exercise, I lost nothing. I felt completely defeated, and fell right back into my old habits, like I always had. Looking back now, I think I just wasn't ready. Maybe I was lazy, maybe I was not educated enough on being healthy. I do know that I clearly lacked the drive to REALLY make the necessary changes, and likely even the true desire.

My decision to have weight loss surgery was not one that happened over night. In fact, it took over 3 years, lots of research, many discussions, and even more research. My struggle with my weight has gone on much longer, though. It took me many failed diets, frustration, tears, and acceptance that if I don’t do something to change that I will have many unwanted problems in the future.

It wasn't until this time last year (actually these next couple of days are exactly a year!) that I finally made the decision that changed my life. When I finally set my mind to it, and put the plan into motion, my outlook changed. I was ready. I was ready to learn, ready to take in everything I could, and ready to CHANGE. I believe I've done just that. I overcame whatever many reasons were holding me back... fear, the idea that I wasn't strong enough. the idea that my hard work wouldn't pay off, and any other nagging voices in my head telling me I "can't". I CAN, I DID, I AM, and I WILL.

I've learned that I am stronger than I sometimes give myself credit for, and that hard work does pay off. I've learned the unknown isn't always something to fear, sometimes it's exciting, and refreshing. I've learned not to give up for any reason, if this is what I really want, I will find a way. I've learned all the set backs, all the times I've failed, all the feelings of defeat, all the tears, all the frustration... it all lead me to where I am today. And today I am excited for my more healthy and active future.

I See the Light at the End of the Tunnel

After my psychological evaluation, I was feeling especially antsy. I felt so stir crazy waiting around again, this time for an appointment to be set with the surgeon. I have already done so much waiting (mainly between finishing my Options classes and being scheduled with the bariatrician), and waiting some more without something on the calendar was not something I wanted to do! Yet, what other option did I have?! Dr. Murali had told me during our appointment that, after the referral is sent to the surgeon's office, I should hear from them within a week to schedule my surgeon consultation. I verified with him that he sent my referral over the same day as my psych eval, and then waited.

Last Monday I called the education department to inquire about setting the appointment. I was told my referral had been sent, and I just needed to wait. I was also informed that St. Bernadine Hospital would be the one to call me, since the surgery would be there... this didn't sound right to me. I understand the surgery will be performed there (Kaiser's new hospital is still under construction, so they're using the facilities there), but it is still Kaiser doctors, and Kaiser insurance that I'm dealing with. I called again on Wednesday, the one week mark, and was told the same information. I also asked both times if there was a number I could call myself to see if I could be scheduled now, and I was told no. I waited a couple more days, and I felt myself getting more and more anxious! I didn't want to have to wait through the weekend to have my appointment set. I spoke with someone on the Gastric Sleeve forums who is going through Kaiser and is one step ahead of me. She provided me with the number for the Kaiser Surgical Department, which is who she received a call from to schedule her surgeon consultation. I gave them a call, thinking it couldn't hurt...and it certainly didn't! I informed them I was waiting to be scheduled with the surgeon, they verified my referral was received, and then scheduled me for the first available appointment. SO glad I called! No thanks to the education department at Kaiser, no doubt. The most frustrating thing I've dealt with during this process has got to be their inconsistencies. It drives me crazy! But not too far in the future I will be on the other side!

My appointment is scheduled for May 4th, with Dr. Fedorka. I have read great reviews about him. I'm glad to have a day to count down to again, as it makes the time go by quicker. I will be writing down all questions I have for him over the next couple weeks, and calling in every day to see if I can get into a cancellation! Crossing my fingers and toes for that! This appointment is when I will be scheduled for ...*drumroll please*... SURGERY! Finally! There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Nearing the End of the Beginning

My classes are nearly done. And them more waiting will commence. Not that I haven't been "waiting" this entire time.

I recently returned from my first cruise, which went to Cabo San Lucas with my mother and sister. I had a great time, and took away some great memories. I was ready for my next cruise before I had even finished the first!


I was a worried about gaining weight during this time, as it would be two weeks until my next class and weigh in.. and those two weeks not only included the cruise, but Thanksgiving as well. I was pleasantly surprised to find I had lost 2lbs, though.

I have to make up my 9th class, and hope to be able to do it this week after I return from Texas (I'm enjoying my time with my husband and dog :] ). I tried to schedule my re-take before I even left for the cruise, but apparently that's not how Kaiser classes work. I let them know when I would return and that I would be gone for a few days in Texas right after, and was told it wouldn't be a problem to get rescheduled. I was advised to call after I returned, to see when a class 9 was open. I called first thing Monday morning (the 5th), and was told Thursday was open.. which obviously wouldn't work for me since I'd be in Texas. I asked what was available the following week, and he said I would need to call the beginning of the week to find out. They sure don't make rescheduling easy! He did tell me, however, that as long as I made up the class "before surgery", it would be okay. I thought it had to be before my graduation, though.. which is what I will try to do either way.

For those who have been asking, I still do not have a surgery date set, yet. As I understand, after the classes are over, I will be scheduled for my psych evaluation and to meet with the surgeon. I'm not sure the order, but after those I should receive a date. From what I hear, it's about 3 months from the end of the class until surgery. Hopefully mine will be sooner than that, so I can get onto recovering and come home to my husband and start the rest of my life. :]

"Indicate your preferences.."

Since my last post, I've attempted to get more information from Kaiser regarding the time between the orientation and the classes. Last week, Friday, I received a call from a "Ruby" in the health education department. Unfortunately, she did not call my cell phone and when I returned the call 5 minutes later, she "wasn't available". I spoke with a woman who told me not to quote her, but the call may have been about getting me into the class beginning on 09/30, but I would have to wait to talk with Ruby.. which was not until Tuesday thanks to the holiday weekend.

Tuesday came, Ruby called, and gave me nothing. I felt like I was speaking to a telemarketer reading prompts from a sheet of paper posted in front of her face. I explained my situation, and she continued to repeat her bit about "indicating my preferences and availability on the form I receive at orientation and then I will be scheduled for the classes". I quote this because she said it at least 6 times. I understand it's first come, first serve, I understand I need to attend the orientation in order to be scheduled for classes, and that it's based on availability... but I just wanted a little more information to help me decide if I would be flying out for orientation and coming back to Texas in between then and my classes, or if I would be driving out for the long haul. I knew this would be difficult, but I was hoping someone could help me make what was already a pain in the ass a little less painful!!

The next day I decided to give it another shot, and I called Member Services and spoke with a woman names Hailey, who was so helpful and friendly.  I explained my situation and she called the health education department while I was waiting on the line and spoke with a Debbie, who told her there is a class starting on the 30th. Not only that, but that it's a "mega" class, double occupancy, and is only 50% full right now. She said there is a high chance I will get into that class. Worse case, and I don't get into that one, there are a few starting in October as well. Now why couldn't I have received that information in the beginning?!

 So, here's where I stand:
My tires will hit the road headed for California on Monday. My orientation is 09/16. Cross my fingers, I'll be in class on 09/30..(you can cross your fingers, too! ;] )